I am a people pleaser.
I always try to do what’s right, what’s expected of me and what would make others happy.
But I can’t help not being a people pleaser because that’s the way I was always brought up. I have been taught to always do the right thing, regardless of whether I like it or not, simply because it is right. No explanation whatsoever. But that makes me think, right in what sense? Right in the sense its the legally right thing to do or the socially right thing to do. Normally, it’s the latter, since I always abide by the rules. But that angers me. Why do I have to act a certain way, or do certain things just because other people do it, just because other people expect everyone to do it. The thing that angers me the most is that the things I am ‘meant’ to do ,which are supposedly ‘right’ are not even major things. They are little trivial things and that really gets to me. When I used to have guests around, and I was dressed in my comfy clothes, I would get told to change and look more presentable. This in itself wasn’t okay because I couldn’t understand why I need to look presentable to a group of strangers, but the reasoning followed behind, angered me. ‘What would they think, if you look like this..?’. Why do I need to care about their opinions of me, what difference would it make whether they thought I was ‘presentable’ or not, why on earth do I have to exist in a place where society’s judgement matters so much.
As a young teenager, this questions continuously haunted me every time I was told to alter my actions or behaviour to please society’s viewpoint of me. I still don’t have an answer to those questions, and perhaps I never will. But, I have learnt that society is made of people like myself, and we decide whats right and wrong, and this continuously changes with time. The same society that once upon a time condemned homosexuality, now accepts it with open arms. The same society that discriminated against females is now governed by women power. The same society that lived in a hierarchy of classes, now lives in unity disregarding socio-economic backgrounds. Although, there hasn’t been a complete changeover, since discrimination still exists, it is still an improvement. So, it is in our hands to change society, because it is made up of people like me and you. This gives me reason to believe that perhaps we can change this judgemental attitude which has led to many young people feeling inadequate, having to wear masks to please society. Keeping their real identity hidden and being punished psychologically for not living up to the unreal standards of society. But, change doesn’t occur overnight and takes time, and as long as you move forward towards change, it can happen.
I once read a quote. ‘When you judge someone, it says more about you than it does about the other person’. This changed my whole perspective, because as a person who continuously feared being judged by people whose opinions didn’t actually make a difference to my life, I started caring less. It wasn’t about acting or behaving in a way that would make other people happy, it was now all about me being carefree and doing what makes me happy. If they decide to judge me, then it’s their problem, not mine.
Yes I am a people pleaser, and I will always continue to try my best to make people that I care about happy from my choices and actions. But, ultimately, I will make choices which makes me happy and I will not care about other people’s opinion of my choices, because they are MY choices and that’s what matters.
So I shall continue to live in a ‘Don’t judge me because I don’t care’ bubble, and I hope you will all join me, eventually.
It’s your life, live it and love it.
The Girl With A Name x